From Leatherboy to Pup

That the great journey called life is filled with experiences both profound and subtle pretty much goes without saying. And as many of us have at some point come to realize, something that seemed innocuous at the time was actually a major turning point. It’s only when we’ve moved forward from the moment far enough to reflect back and see it for what it is does that jump out at us.

This past weekend, a conversation with the man who brought my inner pup out for the very first time gave way to that kind of reflection. It was a chance to again look back at a moment that, while even at the time was filled with deep feeling, was a doorway through which I stepped into a whole new world. More importantly, it was a chance to really see how much being a part of the pup community means to me, the impact it’s had on my growth and journey, and how fortunate I am to have found my way into this great pack we have.

At the same time, it was a moment to look at where we were as a pack then and at how much things have grown and changed in what is relatively a short period of time.

But there was another realization that, after all these years, finally clicked. I didn’t realize it at the time (again, innocuous at the moment), but I encountered two things that were to affect tremendous change in my life in 2002. The first was my initial exposure to pups and puppy play. The second was meeting some of the boys from the DC boys of Leather.

This isn’t meant to be some kind of retrospective or “when I came out of the kennel” piece. However, to get to where I want to go, I do have to first look back.

My experiences in the leather and kink community have been tremendously positive ever since I first ventured into it nearly fourteen years ago. Yes, I know that 14 years is only a fraction of the experience of many who have come before me, and I don’t presume that makes me any kind of expert on anything. But those 14 years are packed with lessons learned, friendship and brotherhood shared, joys and hurts, love and loss.

And they have been packed with change. I’ve changed as a person and as part of the community. The community itself has grown and changed. Has it all been positive or constructive change? No. While most of the changes have been positive, there have been those occasional negatives that lead us to stumble. Each time, though, we’ve just dusted ourselves off and continued forward, a little wiser for the experience. Being human, however, we sometimes have to trip over the same kind of vine more than once before we realize it’s always going to tangle our feet.

With and through the DC boys, I quickly discovered and experienced a sense of brotherhood and community unlike any I had ever known. They were (and many still are) my brothers. As hard as it may be to believe, prior to my joining that club, I was actually pretty quiet. But the DC boys and my brothers in it brought out something that was just waiting to come out, to be shared and to be involved. It was a time and experience that influenced so much of my own growth in the community, and I will carry all those good memories wherever I go. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Which is why, given how rewarding and enriching my time with the DC boys of Leather was, I’m still amazed that what I’ve experienced among the pups has transcended even that. If asked at the time, I would have said it couldn’t be possible.

And I would have been completely wrong. Not that one is better than the other, only that the differences – and parallels – are so remarkable.

When I first joined the DC boys, the leatherboys as a whole were still in the process of identifying and asserting their place in the community. The concept of boys and submissives was nothing new to the leather community. Nevertheless, the leatherboys were coming together to look after and look out for each other and to help each other. They weren’t looking to take the leather community by storm, only establish a place that was their own, a place that was safe and in which boys could learn from one another. Leatherboy clubs were springing up all over the US and in Canada (the first, the DC boys of Leather, began in 1999). To be sure, there were the naysayers who either disparaged or pooh-poohed the then so-called “boy movement” or viewed the boys as community property. And there were those who used being a boy as an excuse for inappropriate behaviors that reflected negatively on the whole.

It has been the same with the pups and the evolution of the community pack that’s come into being. Pup play and pups aren’t a recent creation within the leather and kink communities; there are those who have been around for 20 years or more. Like the leatherboys before us, the pups are now coming together, to look after and look out for each other, to establish a place that’s safe for pups. A place where we can share and learn from each other. Like the leatherboys before us, the pups are at a point of finding its own identity while asserting its place within the greater community. Pup and handler clubs are coming together far and wide. Yes, we have the naysayers and disparagers. Those who disrespect our space or see us as community property. And, yes, we have those who use “pup” as an excuse for inappropriate behavior and whose behavior reflects negatively on the pup community as a whole.

What really stands out to me, however, is the intensity and speed with which the pup community has come together, adapted, and grown. Our reactions to challenges and pitfalls as a community have, in the main, been very analogous to the leatherboys. When I first came out of the kennel in 2008, there was very little organization or networking among pups. Moshes were far from commonplace.

How different it is today! In just six years – the same length of time I was with the DC boys before coming out as a pup – so much has changed. We, as a pack, have become a community in our own right, networked and connected not just all across the US, but worldwide. We’ve responded to challenges by looking for and adopting ways to better ourselves and each other rather than run pell-mell down the negative path that would tear us apart. We’ve built something in which we’re all proud, something that embraces the diversity we all bring to it. Something meant to last and to grow.

As much as I felt lucky to be one of the boys, that same feeling is even more intense when I look around at my pup brothers and sisters and know I’m one of you all. I’m reminded again that, when Jason Hall asked me how my first experience in pupspace felt, that my answer was a heartfelt “Natural.” And no matter what challenges are thrown in our way, I know we’ll overcome them, just as others have before us. As others before us successfully asserted their place among the whole, so will we. And, like those before us, we will accomplish that while maintaining and preserving that core of the pack that makes us distinct within the whole.

It’s already started.


P.S. One last little “coincidence” that bears mentioning. Jason Hall, the man who brought out my inner pup for the first time, was also one of the DC boys’ members who voted me into that club. Hmmm….)

How Much Is That Handler in the Window?

** Originally posted January 2014 **

Here recently I’ve come across more than one instance of a pup becoming disillusioned that they don’t have a handler. And, sometimes as a result, they begin to question their own worth or identity as a pup, sometimes to the point of wanting to just sever all ties to the puppy world. Or they leave themselves open and vulnerable to situations that are unhealthy at best that, again, can lead them to turn away from us. Some of them I’ve known personally; some I have known only through acquaintance or social networking. But all of them are good pups, gifted with a vibrant puppy heart that could be nurtured into being so much more.

To see these pups turning away is saddening. There is so much that each of them could bring to our communal puppy pack, and we lose that potential. Even more disheartening, though, is that these pups end up hurt and disillusioned to the point of shutting out a part of themselves. 

How do we convince them that it need not be this way? How do we convince them to not shut out their inner pups because the right handler or trainer hasn’t come along yet? How do we get beyond the mistaken beliefs that all handlers and trainers are only looking for X or Y in a pup, that handers’ interests are as varied as there are pups in the world.

There was one pup I knew that sometimes wondered if he’d ever find a Sir or a trainer. He came into the leather community about fourteen years ago, and found himself collared fairly soon. It turned out that that relationship wasn’t the best fit for him (it wasn’t abusive, only that it didn’t match his personality and needs). After only a year, the collar was removed and he continued his journey independently. Most didn’t know he came out of it somewhat disillusioned and unsure of the leather community.

Fortunately for him (and others as it would later turn out), he soon learned there was a very supportive and vibrant community out there. The pup (although he didn’t identify as such at the time) found other ways to get involved. He got involved, first with a local club and, through that, more of the area groups and events. He soon found he had a natural connection with the leatherfolk and kinksters and grew to have great passion for it all. It wasn’t long before he was actively contributing, finding ways to put his service to use in ways that benefitted others. More importantly, it gave him a sense of direction and purpose. What he didn’t realize at the time was just how much he was discovering  about himself.

That’s not to say he gave up the idea of ever being collared again. Through it all, that desire remained inside, tempered by knowledge that it wasn’t beyond the realm of the possible. There had been interest from Sirs he respected, but the connection was never right. And, even without the collar, he gained the incredible gifts of their friendship and mentorship.

Eventually he came face-to-face with his own inner pup. That alone opened new doors for him. But it also put a sharper edge on that want for a Sir – or as the pup wanted then, a handler. But that wasn’t in the cards yet. Again, there were those who were interested in the pup, but he just knew it wasn’t right. So he didn’t give in or give up. Instead, he continued to remain involved, learning more about himself and growing as he went. Finding those things into which he could put his energy which, in turn, brought benefit to others and reassurance to himself.

And then – almost 5½ years later, it finally happened. The pup met a potential handler with whom he felt comfortable and connected. It happened when he least expected it, and he certainly wasn’t looking for a handler when it did. The handler was someone the pup had known for years. However, that man’s own journey had only recently taken him into exploring his Dom side. Neither had ever before given thought to a D/s or Handler/pup relationship between them until one chance encounter where Sir was asked to hold the pup’s leash and look out for him for a while by the pup’s partner. And something just clicked. So here was a pup only recently out of the kennel (but long involved in the community) and an emerging Sir connecting at an unexpected moment.

The pup wasn’t a youngster by that time. He was actually in his early 40s, and the Sir was almost 15 years younger than him. He wasn’t exactly the body type seen on all the posters for events and advertisements. He had a bit of a tummy and, without his glasses, blind as bat. But he had, by that time, come to know more about himself. He may not have known what all he could bring to a D/s relationship, but he’d gained a good understanding of what he needed and hoped to find in one. And now that such a relationship was possible, he had enough insight and experience to proceed carefully, with his eyes wide open, aware that this was a serious step.

The collar didn’t go on right away. Even though both were more than interested in seeing what could develop, they took the time to discuss and explore what it would mean. They both understood that a collar isn’t just something worn, that it means something deep and significant. It was nearly two more months before the collar was presented and only then after it was clear all sides were in agreement and understood. But finally, after nearly 6 years, the pup was presented with a collar and became an owned pup.

At MAL 2009, Mister J collared Pup Tripp.

I don’t think it needs to be told what that pup went on to become.  I can say that I do understand, that I’ve been there. I can say that I know how it feels to see others collared and wonder if it would ever happen for me, once or twice to the point of wondering if I wanted to stay involved.

Yes, it is true that I am no longer under Mister J’s collar. After a little more than three years, our Handler/pup relationship ended. But, in ways, it wasn’t so much an ending as it was a new chapter. I still see part of myself as His pup (and likely always will). He remains a great friend, mentor, and someone I will always hold in high esteem.  I still get a tingle when He says He is proud of me or just “Good pup!” I firmly believe that I owe my becoming International Puppy 2014 to Him as much as to anyone else who guided me to this point.

That is why I always try to reach out to disillusioned pups, to encourage them not to give up. Because I know that it can happen when it’s least expected. More importantly, there’s a world full of experience and opportunity and learning that awaits. Everything you learn and experience makes you that much more ready when the time finally does come.

Most of all, because you’re not alone. As dark as it may sometimes feel, and while maybe your brother and sister pups can't fill the role of handler or alpha, this whole big puppy pack is still here for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

International Puppy 2014 at the 6-month Mark

Wow! It doesn’t seem like it’s been 6 months since that surprising moment on a stage at the Flamingo Resort in St. Pete. But, yep, come the 9^th, it will be six months since I became International Puppy 2014. Halfway there!  And, damn, what a ride it has been to this point! And there’s just as much ahead in the 2^nd half (actually, a little bit more).

Yes, it IS true that my step aside is in July, when IPC’s International Puppy 2015 takes the banner for his/her year, but I’ve been told I can still finish out a full year as the 2014 titleholder. And, looking at the schedule from mid-July through the beginning of November, I’ll definitely be out there!

Yes, the travels and the events have been fun, and I’ve enjoyed it all immensely. I know they’ve been mainly on the eastern side of the Mississippi ( I did get to cross it in New Orleans!), but that’s going to change in the 2^nd half of the year. From Tampa to New York City and New Jersey, Ohio in both Columbus and Cleveland, from New Orleans to Toronto, and a few points in between, I’ve been fortunate already to meet so many great pups (and their handlers) and to make, not just new friends, but new brothers and sisters.

No matter where I’ve gone, the energy that we all share has been amazing! Be it a fund-raiser bar night, an educational presentation, or a major event like CLAW, there’s just something special that draws us all together. Quite often, it has been part of the energy that has kept me going.

And no matter where I’ve gone, I’ve always come back having learned so much. We really are a very diverse community, with a wide array of interests and needs. That our common bond of being pups brings together so many who are so different is truly amazing. And no matter what the difference, you’ve all taught me so much more about being a pup and our community.

And, for all I’ve learned thus far, there’s so much more yet to be learned, and I look forward to all of it! As such, I can comfortably say I will never be an expert on pups or the pup community. I’ve never thought of myself as such, and now I really know why. But I can say I’ve gained a lot of new insights and increased my understanding. And, more than that, I can say I’m more proud and blessed than ever to be one of you!

I don’t want to start saying too many thank you’s just yet (I’ll save that to for the step aside in 2 months, and even then, I’ll try to keep it brief).  But I have to acknowledge that I wouldn’t have made it this far without a lot of support from people throughout the community and from IPC. Y’all have made sure I’ve been taken care of. I haven’t had to ask for much of anything. Y’all have invited me in, made sure I had what I needed, and opened the door for fun and successful events. More often than not, a phone call or an email was all I needed to smooth the road.  I’m looking forward to that continuing over the next 6 months!

And as I go into that 6 months, I want to repeat something I said at the beginning of my title run. I don’t see this as my title. It belongs to all of the pups out there. I’m the one that’s been chosen and entrusted with carrying it and representing our community in a positive light, and to bring us all closer together. But it also means I’m here, to hear what you all have to say, to hear your ideas of what the future can look like, and to do my part to make it happen.

Whatever that future is, it belongs to all of us, and we all deserve to be heard. There isn’t a one among us who can claim to know what’s best for us all (well, aside from safety concerns), and no one voice should be any louder than the others. We’re in this together, and together we can build a future pup community where we can all be proud to belong.

I have a feeling the next 6 months are going to kick ass! ARUFF!

WHEN WORLDS CONVERGE: Pups and the Leather World

 

Over the course of my travels and meetings in the pup community, I encounter many questions about how we pups fit in with the broader leather and fetish world – or if we even need to fit in at all. I also often hear pups asking how newer pups can learn more about the leather community. At the same time, I hear comparable questions coming from leather folk and kinksters about the pup community. Fortunately, these questions are very closely related, and the answers – while maybe not complete – can address all of them.

Now, I don’t pretend for even a moment to be an expert on either the puppy world or the broader leather and fetish community. My experience in the former goes back only six years and a little more than a decade in the latter. There are plenty of people in both who have been involved far longer than I have, and my own experiences pale in comparison. Every time I’m out an event or just talking with someone online or at a chance meeting, I almost always walk away having learned something new.  Having said that, however, I feel somewhat comfortable enough to give some general answers to the questions mentioned.

Of course, when it comes to the pup world, our own diversity isn’t limited to leather. Even though our roots, at least in the U.S., can be traced back to the earlier leather community, our own growth has encompassed a larger cross-section of interests. We have among us a number of pups who don’t identify with leather at all. A large percentage of us are more into rubber or other non-leather gear, and pups who aren’t into any kink or fetish beyond pup play. Many are comfortable being just on the fringe of the leather & fetish world, and that is perfectly fine.

But there are those who are interested in learning more and opening the door to make those connections. And there are those on the other side of that door trying to learn more about us. That is where it can all begin to come together.

Granted, the world of leather and fetish can seem a little daunting to the unknowing outsider looking in. Even though the leather mystique that’s been built up has been rendered somewhat translucent with the advent of social networking, there’s still a lot to navigate. Fortunately, for us pups, making the connection from our community to the broader leather & fetish world can be a little easier because, in some ways, we already are part of it.

There are a number of ways in which the puppy world isn’t so different from the broader leather and fetish community. Ways that actually bring us into the circle. True, many of these are more subtle than we realize, but some are quantifiable. For starters, pup play is widely viewed as a kink or fetish, even if our individual definitions for being pups go beyond that. We flag our interests as pups in ways comparable to how leatherfolk communicate their interests. We use the same hanky code, just that ours often include chew toys or other pup-related items. For many of us, our fetish and kink interests include more than just puppy play, same as our brothers and sisters in the broader community. Our pup/handler relationships have a number of parallels to and overlaps with the D/s relationships found among some leatherfolk. Our gear interests are mirrored all throughout the wider community.

True, these commonalities are only a start, but they might help alleviate some of the sharper apprehensions among newer pups when it comes to the leather world. Because these are more than just similarities. These are the ways in which we already are part of the whole. And, if knowing that can ease concerns even if only slightly, it becomes that much easier to make the next step.

That step is learning to navigate the differences. And these are where both sides continue to come together, hopefully to learn and exchange ideas and to mutually grow.  Fortunately, all it takes is respect, patience, and a willingness to learn. There’s a lot that can be learned just by watching – and watching can often give rise to the questions we want to ask to understand better. There are a lot of excellent resources out there, in print or in person. Quite often the experiences of one can resonate with someone else and open entirely new vistas for growth. And the more we learn as individuals and share amongst ourselves as a group, the more we all learn and grow.

Do we, the puppy world, need to fit in? No, we don't need to fit in. But there are advantages to not being completely separate. Again, many of our roots lie in the leather world, even if the spirit of pup play itself has grown and taken on new depth over the years. However, there remains still a lot of misunderstanding of where we've come from and what we've become, and by being connected we can overcome that.  Many pups and handlers find their way to us through the leather & fetish community. Still, it’s just as important that we keep that identity which defines us as the puppy world. We can find a respected place in the broader scene, but we need to be respected just as much for who and what we are. Even if, over time, the two converge even more, we also need to always be proud of ourselves as pups.