Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day Weekend 2013


Another Memorial Day weekend begins to draw toward its close.  This one, though, will go down as one of the best I’ve had, right up there with the ones I used to spend in NJ with my friend Scott. And this one was spent at home, with friends visiting from out of town and with Ken and boy Tom.  Boy Matt was here from New Jersey, and Mike Socks Pup drove all the way from Cleveland. The fun started on Friday once we were all together, and it kept right on until today.
OK, we DID follow the goings on at IML. After all, we all had the people we were rooting for, and we all wished we could have been at Woof Camp! Except for when we went to see Star Trek, I don’t think 10 minutes passed that one of us wasn’t following up on Facebook!
But we all had a great time all the same.  Friday night was pretty much just a laid-back, cocktails, cigars and shoot the breeze kind of night out on the deck, even though it was a little chilly. We didn’t care. Saturday was board games and just hanging, followed by a great BBQ on the deck. Saturday evening we went to the Maryland Leatherboys first bar night in Baltimore, followed by a side trip to the DC Eagle on the way back. It was good seeing some friends in both places while showing Socks our neck of the woods. Sunday was another laid back day, followed by going to see Star Trek Into Darkness later in the evening. All three nights we were up late, just enjoying and talking.

 All told, it was an awesome time.
Right now it’s quiet. Socks is now on his way back to Cleveland. The others are napping. I’m wide awake after a 15-mile bicycle ride. Good time to reflect.

Now that it’s winding down, I can’t help but think just how lucky I am, though. To have friends, and a boy and a husband like I have, I have to wonder what I did to get so lucky. And, yet, through stories and ideas exchanges and insights gained, I am reminded once again that the path my feet have been placed upon in life has more rewards and possibilities than I ever thought possible. I look at all the friendships I’ve gained through this community and wonder how I can ever pay forward such good fortune. I can only hope the things I do give back will, in some way, show just how grateful I am.
Tomorrow, it’ll be back to work. But I’ll go forward from this weekend, not just with good memories, but with a feeling of being rejuvenated. Decisions and goals made before the weekend have been reinforced, and I feel an even stronger sense of commitment to them. Some questions I’ve been quietly asking of myself have found answers. As the summer months start, I know the coming weeks of relative quiet will help me better prepare for what awaits in the autumn months. Very importantly, after this weekend, I have an even better sense of WHY I’m doing the things I’m doing and about to do. Most of all, I go forward knowing I have some very special friends and family.

To Boy Matt, to Socks, to boy Tom, and to my husband Ken, I say thank you for an incredible weekend!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Me-Time and Me Thinks





As I’ve mentioned to some others, this past weekend was a good amount of much-needed “me-time.” The Twilight Guard run was a time to relax, to just let go and have fun. Coming out of it, I feel re-energized and refocused on several levels. One of the nearly inevitable side benefits of quality “me-time” is that me thinks. And with a 5+ hour drive back to VA from Long Island, there was plenty of time for it.



Of course, I thought a lot about Ken, and how much I wanted to get home to him. That always is the case. No matter where I go, I always miss him and can’t wait to see him when I get home. Knowing he’s there takes me far. Knowing I have that sound foundation in my life gives me more strength than I sometimes realize.



But I thought a lot about a number of other things going on in my life. And I began to realize a strong streak of negativity has set in somewhere along the way recently. Having been able to step away from it over the weekend, I was able to see it looking back at me. In truth, I had a glimpse of it during CLAW, but there wasn’t a lot of quiet time for me to think about it. Now that I’ve had time to look at it, I’ve been able to figure out where it started.



My friend boy Matt kind of gave me the first clue. Without meaning to, he gave me a much-needed kick in my complacency and put me in a place where I felt some very healthy discomfort. I felt it at the time, even if I couldn’t fully put it into words even in my own mind. I knew it foreboded coming change. And once I was able to actually get some quiet time to look at it, I was able to see things to which either I’d been missing or blinding myself.   

I am, by nature, a very positive and upbeat person. I do my best to see the good in everything and to be the best person I can be. I learned a long time ago that when the negative sets in, I begin turning inward and shutting things out, ultimately lashing out. I don’t much like that person. He’s self-destructive and dark-minded. Nothing good ever comes from that. Yes, it’s part of me, but I refuse to be ruled by it. However, I appreciate that sometimes it’s that part of me that initiates needed change.  The fact is, change doesn't happen when you're always in a comfortable place. As one of my spiritual mentors once told me, “You gotta embrace the change if you’re going to make everything right again.”

Of course, the process of setting it right – doing what is necessary to cast off the negative energy so that the positive can flow – isn’t always easy. But better that than to allow it to continue eroding those areas of my life it’s affecting. Fortunately, over the course of those hours, I was able to figure out how to set it in motion in such a way that will ultimately foster growth, even if there are some growing pangs along the way.
Right now, I see a path laid out at my feet that is laden with possibilities. Possibilities that offer so much, and from which I want to get the most I can. And I am fortunate to have with me friends and family who can share in all of it. I would be doing them – and myself – a grave disservice if I let unnecessary shadows cloud it.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Diamonds in the Rough






“Don’t think of them as battle scars. Think of them as facets on a very beautiful, unique diamond.”

I posted that as a Facebook status a while back. At the time, it was more of a random thought, but it’s one that has stayed with me through the following months. A couple of inter-related discussions yesterday on Puppy 101 and Sirs & boys, as well as a personal post by a brother pup out there brought it back to mind.

I can’t help but think how hard it can be to see the diamond. It shouldn’t HAVE to be difficult at all, but we continuously find ourselves in situations that make it difficult to see. We live in a world that puts more value on uniformity and conformity that it does on individuality. And no matter how many times others may tell us how valuable and wonderful we can be as individuals, it’s something we each have to find in ourselves. Only then can we see the diamond that is our true inner selves and have faith that it is always there, even during the stormy times.

For those of us in the leather/kink/fetish community, the struggle to find that diamond doesn’t have to be made more difficult than the rest of the society is already making it. There isn’t a person in this community who hasn’t weathered the storms of criticism and judgment, the recriminations and rejections from those on the outside – and, unfortunately, some on the inside as well.  We’ve seen how damaging just one word of derision can be.  We’ve seen potential lost to us when narrow-mindedness trumped acceptance. And we’ve seen our collective future brightened simply because one person was given the chance that made all the difference.

I can’t make anyone look within that isn’t ready. But I CAN reassure them that they aren’t alone and that the journey to find their true inner selves is the best one they can ever take. It’s something we can all do.  There are enough people on the outside telling us we’re wrong. Let’s be the collective voice telling each other we’re all on the right path.

Monday, May 13, 2013

What is the Pup Heart?





In the course of discussions and educational sessions, we often hear terms used like “boy heart” or “slave heart” or even “Sir or Daddy heart.”  And, for many of us in the leather/fetish community, we tend to agree that terms such as these are accurate descriptors. They serve to demonstrate that our identities are more than a label or rationalization, that we feel these things very deeply, heart and soul.

But what about the pups and the pup heart?

On the surface, it may not be easy to tell any difference. After all, not everyone into pup play identifies as a pup. Also, and to the consternation of some, pups aren’t as easily pigeon-holed into a set role outline. There are service pups, pups who are actually the Dominant in a relationship, Alphas and betas, and so on. Some pups have handlers; others don’t. Any number of traits that can be ascribed across a wide spectrum may pertain to boys as well as pups. The ambiguity is part of what sometimes obscures it. So, too, does that fact that so much of who we are is still being explored.

Although neither pups nor pup play are new concepts, having been around for decades, the resurgence over the past few years has been very powerful.  Pup moshes are becoming a large draw at most major events, including IML, MAL, and CLAW. Clubs and groups for pups and handlers are springing up all across the US and in Canada (and another recently formed in Germany). In the age of social networking, the pup community is coming together in ways unprecedented.

However, this rapid-paced resurgence isn’t without its caveats. There are segments of the greater leather/fetish/kink community that aren’t quite sure what pups and pup play is all about or where a handler/pup relationship can fit in along the D/s continuum. Some aren’t sure what to make of pups in general, sometimes falling back on definitions that may be accurate for some but most certainly not all. Within the pup community there is a great deal of discussion about who we are as a segment of the larger community, which can shade how others see us as a whole. As a result, people will cast about for a frame of reference, and too often fail to catch the subtle nuances that set us apart as pups.

And what are some of those subtle nuances that define the pup heart? As may be expected, you can see them by watching pups in action. Granted, there will be very pronounced similarities between what a pup might do and what one might expect from a boy. The key is to remember that pups run the gamut within the D/s continuum (not all pups are submissive!). It’s not going to be just things that you see from pups in a mosh or out at the local bar in full pup gear. It’s not the play or the gear that defines the pup, although some insight into a pup heart can be made during play. And, also, it’s well nigh impossible for anyone to be in a pup headspace on a 24/7 basis, no matter how many pups might wish otherwise.

One has to look beyond the play and see how the pup carries and views himself. Watch the little things the pup does. How the pup responds, even in an everyday setting. You’ll see an almost-canine element in many of the reactions. Negative or threatening circumstances can elicit very distinct growls (some, if pushed, may actually nip). Although most leatherboys I know like a firm head rub, start giving a pup ear scritches and watch what happens.  And put a bunch of pups together, even away from a mosh or similar setting, and you’ll have little doubt. There’s an element of playfulness that comes out very naturally, and the nature of the interaction will define it.

Of course, I can’t speak for all pups.  But I can for myself. I’m a pup.  I was a pup even before I realized it consciously. I know this because of how I felt the first time I connected with my inner pup. That was a moment of realizing I had found a very key part of my true self. The specifics of how it happened aren’t important, what came out of it made all the difference in how I see myself within the community and defines much of the work I’ve done on its behalf.  And, paramount, is that while I’ve grown from the sub role in one D/s relationship to the Dom in a second one, those things that define the inner pup remain unchanged.

Sometimes I do things without even realizing it. For example: for many years now, I’ve kept a small rubber ball in one of the pockets of my leather jacket. It was put there so I could tell which jacket was mine when a bunch of leather biker jackets were all stored together. And over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve pulled that same ball out of my pocket to play with it, even chase it across a parking lot if it got away from me. Anyone tried to take it, I would literally growl. Same if someone tries to take my chew toys.

The pup heart, like any other, isn’t defined by rationalization or categorizing. In the end, we’re all human, and any trait we think of is a human trait. What ultimately separates it from the other possibilities is how the pup sees and feels about himself and the acceptance of the rest of the community at that level. The pup heart, like all others, reaches its fullest potential and state of being when we all lay aside our pre-conceptions and notions and accept the heart for what’s in it.