Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Remember the Prides of June



The Prides of June have pretty much passed. This year we came to see just how much division there is in the community. Not just the leather/kink community, but the LGBTQ+ community as well. The debates and disagreements are going to continue long after June 2017 is one for the history books - and it's going to leave many of us asking some very difficult questions. Sometimes, it's going to seem like it just isn't worth it, and some might wonder if there's something better somewhere else...

We all want as much of the uplifting and the positive we can get in our daily lives. We all know there’s an over-abundance of the negative and discouraging out there. Sometimes, though, the positive we need isn’t the shiny over there. It’s that glimmer of silver in the muck we’re mired in that can kindle a spark hope; that solid foothold in the quagmire that reassures us we aren’t going to drown.

That’s where we are right now.  We see around us what seems to be a raging battlefield, with opinions and rebuttals being fired off like heavy artillery. It can seem daunting or overwhelming. Maybe even exasperating. However, there's strength to be found in realizing that we are, believe it or not, right where we should be.


How can I say that, you may ask?

Quite simply, every divide and fracture we are currently seeing has been around for a long time. Go back to the earliest days of leather, even the gay rights movement, and you'll find it. It's been our dirty little secret all along, the one we didn't talk about. And, when we did, it was easy to apply superficial remedies and then go back to the status quo. The community was connected only by word of mouth and a few news articles here and then. The shadows were able to flourish in so little light.

The world is a lot more connected now. Those dirty secrets can't stay in the dark any more. Social media both shines a spotlight on them and puts them under a microscope. We can no longer deny the divides.

The question then becomes "What do we do about it?"

Now we have the opportunity to heal the fractures. But, like a fractured leg, resetting it is going to be painful as hell. Even more so because the community hobbled around on those fractures for a long time. In the end, the community – like that fractured leg – will heal if we acknowledge what we need to do to make it better.

And the first thing we have to do is LISTEN. Listen to what the voices who are crying out are saying to us. The cries being raised today are the cries that were raised a year ago, 10 years ago, even 30 and 50. But those cries have kept falling on deaf ears. Cries are being raised to draw attention to the marginalization and discrimination of trans-folk and gender-nonconforming, people of color, women, people whose sexual identity isn’t necessarily predicated on the binary of gay or straight. But these are not new cries. These have been taken up by a new generation, passed down through the years until today. How can we not expect the anger and rage that's coming out now if they’ve gone unheard for so long?

We (defined here as the community in general) had have had ample opportunity to listen all along yet failed to meaningfully do so.  We - those among us who enjoy measures of privilege that others in the community do not – are the ones who need to listen. I know people have tried to draw attention to these things over the years, and I won’t overshadow by painting everyone with the same brush. But, in some measure, we’ve all played a part in what’s brought this community to where it now stands.

I'm fully aware that that is an unpopular position. Yet to not listen seems to me to continue the cycle of marginalization and victimization we’re seeing. To defend a status quo that sacrifices equality and cohesion for the sake of personal comfort only makes an already untenable situation that much worse.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  We just have to start by listening. Listening to what those who are struggling in ways many of us can’t imagine need to feel safe and included. Learning doesn't happen when we're shouting down and raging against what we need to know - it happens when we listen.

So, what have we got to lose by just listening?

Friday, June 9, 2017

What's Anger Got to Do With It?


Looking around me today, I see a group that was for a long time marginalized – even criminalized – just for being who they are. A group of people who were oppressed by the legal and social systems of the society in which they lived. A group whose anger coalesced into active resistance suddenly found its voice and began to speak out and fight for their rights.

They had every right to be angry. They had every right to speak up and to fight. Mainstream society wasn’t going to give them equal treatment if they didn’t. And they had allies, people who agreed that a terrible wrong needed to be righted.

If it seems I’m talking about today, about those in our community who are persons of color, transgendered or gender-fluid, or women subjected to misogynistic discrimination, I’m not. I’m talking about the gay men and women, the leatherfolk and the drag queens, the trans folk and the gender-fluid who stood up post-Stonewall and began the fight for the advances toward equality we see today.

I have to wonder. Have we forgotten the anger and indignation that drove the propelled the early gay rights movement? Has the sheer force and raw emotion of it been glamorized through media and film over the last 48 years? Let’s not delude ourselves. Let’s face the truth that gay men and women, in the early days of the gay rights movement, lashed out in anger at both those who opposed them and, in some cases, those who were allies.

Sound familiar? It should. That same anger remains. The fight to wrest equality from oppression has seen advances, but not all have benefitted from them equally. There's no logical argument against the truth that the main beneficiaries of those advances are cis-gendered white males and, to a lesser extent, women (yes, I know the term “cis” didn’t exist in 1969 or the early 70’s, but in a contemporary debate I have to – and I am comfortable with – using it). The anger from being oppressed still drives - is still needed to drive – our brothers and sisters who are persons of color, transgendered or gendered fluid, and (given the misogyny we still see), women.

Let me clear. I am in no way condoning behavior that is disrespectful or threatening. I’m certainly no advocate of the violent vitriol we oft-times see. Yet, to turn away from the fight of many on the basis if the actions of a few or to not understand the source of that anger – that’s an example of privilege, one that those who came before us didn’t have and through whose work and sacrifice it even exists.

We all have grounds to be angry. The struggle for equality and acceptance isn’t ended yet. We all want to be heard and understood. But let’s also remember that it’s not advancing equally for all. The playing field and the opportunities aren’t even; many of the paths forward are strewn with obstacles and hurdles than many of us don’t have to overcome. We all face possible threats and hazards to our well-being and even our lives - but for those who are transgendered or gender non-conforming, for persons of color, for women and for people living with HIV the threats and hazards are far more numerous.

I’m not going to presume to say anyone owes anyone else anything. I’ll let the history of our community and its struggles speak for itself. Anger can be an amazing catalyst for change. But we have to understand the anger and where it's coming from if its course to affect positive change is to be directed. 

Monday, June 5, 2017

Old Problems in a Newer Light

“What’s going on in our community?”

“Why so much hate and anger?”

“Can’t we all just get along?”

These, and questions like them are really making the rounds these days. Actually, they’re good questions. They spark debate and discussion; they draw attention to issues and problems we need to address. They draw light to the darker things plaguing our community.

One thing they absolutely should NOT be doing is coming as a surprise. Quite simply, there is nothing new about the problems and divisions we’re seeing today. Acting like the disagreements and divisiveness is something suddenly appearing serves only to undermine the magnitude of what it is we have to overcome.

Let’s face it, to us older folks, everything seemed better “back in the day.” We had more fun. There was a stronger sense of brotherhood and community. Hell, even the beer tasted better! Maybe in some ways it was better. Or maybe, for us older folks, we were too caught up in the excitement as newcomers to the world of leather and kink to notice that the golden days had a bit of tarnish to them.

With the advent of social media, however, the tarnish is a lot more noticeable. Things like Facebook have put the community’s problems and issues under a microscope. Before social media, it was whole lot easier for personal prejudices and BS social politics to pass unnoticed by the main. It was easier to go unchallenged. Now, do or say something wrong on the East Coast, and the West knows about it in 5 minutes. Where previously only a handful may see or know about something, now anyone in the community who’s connected will know – and has the platform to make known their opinion.

What’s changed isn’t the presence of problems and issues. It’s that it’s that now they're being seen more widely. It's that now more incidents are being reported - and people called out. And, with it being seen as widely as it is, that makes people uncomfortable - and no one likes feeling that way.

There has always been a generational divide. Not just in our community, but throughout society and down through the years. We’ve just cloaked it under the guise of “old guard vs new guard” so we can dig into indefensible positions and not have to hear or see the whole picture. We hide in deceptive comfort zones to avoid the continuum of time and evolution that defines our beliefs and traditions.

Generationalism is only the tip of our particular iceberg, though. There's a lot more beneath the surface.

Misogyny, racism, transphobia, biphobia, internalized homophobia, ageism… they’ve been there all along. How can anyone be surprised people who are subjected to those are no longer being silent? Shaming of all varieties (bottom-, slut-, body-, victim-, etc)…all ongoing issues. And again, can we be surprised that people are saying enough is enough?

We can’t afford to continue pretending any of this is new if we’re to truthfully and honestly address the issues. Older or newer, we need to not look back through proverbial rose-colored glasses. The community is now far too intricately inter-connected for that. Likewise, we need to remember that long-term problems aren’t usually solved with short-term fixes but rather take effort and dedication toward a lasting solution.