Wednesday, May 27, 2015

...And Sir as Well

Elsewhere I've previously related my experiences from my beginnings as a leatherboy through, not just my coming out of the kennel, but as a pup overall. I've captured how intense and rewarding (and occasionally saddening) the journey has been, and I look forward to what has yet to unfold. However, there is one part of that journey I haven't said much about. That's the transition I made from leatherboy to Sir. It's a transition that happened even as I grew as a pup, and continues to the present where I'm both.

Probably one of the most awkward personal questions I ever get asked is "Do I address you as Sir or do I call you Pup?" One thing that eases some of that awkwardness is that I don't expect anyone other than my boys to address me as Sir. Nevertheless, even though the reasons for asking are sincere and well-intended, it can still feel a little awkward.
 
There are a lot of feelings and struggles on this that I've never really shared. I've never been ashamed of any part of my identity as a leatherman or pup. But, there have been times when I've thought it would have been easier to be one or the other, either just a submissive pup or a Sir with boys under collar. I'm proud to be a pup, and I'm proud to be Sir to my boys. Yet, there have been times when I feel caught between the two.
 
As we so often are reminded, we live in a community with labels and identifiers. Being human, we often try to peg people into these boxes. Not necessarily out of malice or judgmentalism, but rather simply on the basis of interacting with unknowns via the barest minimum definitions. For most, it's a simple, innocent matter of comfort in how to approach people. None of us want to mistakenly approach someone as X, when they may be A or B. In the leather and kink community, where people take labels onto themselves, it takes on the added dimension, more often than not, of simply trying to be respectful.

However, over time, some of these boxes and definitions have, for reasons I still don't entirely fathom, become seen as contradictory to one another or seen as not fitting in at all. To be seen as a pup, which many still equate with being submissive, as well as a Sir runs contrary to many.

It hasn't been an easy transition; at times it's been downright confusing to me. Confusing because, even as an acknowledged Sir (and, by that, I mean acknowledged by others), I'm still Pup Tripp. Regardless of the role I have in my leather family, my inner pup and my need to be a pup haven't changed. Time and time again, people will approach me differently, depending on how I'm seen at the moment.

For example, at CLAW this past year, on Friday I was out wearing both my cover and my show tail with my kilt. On Saturday, I was in a singlet and kneepads and leather Chuck Taylors. On both days, I had my two boys proudly in tow; I was perfectly comfortable in my space on both days. Yet I was keenly aware of how differently some people approached me on Friday as compared to Saturday. Now, I appreciate and understand that much of it is born out of respect, and I'm perfectly fine with it. In fact, I look on it as a positive lesson for my own growth. I say all of this only because I noticed.

However,  there was something more, also. I was aware of some of the questioning looks thrown my way while wearing both the cover and the tail, even caught a mumble of reproach from one as I passed in the vendor area. Still, I carried myself with pride and dignity, comfortable in my own skin, knowing I'm both Pup Tripp and Sir Tripp, all in one package.

Getting to that point of self-comfort, though, wasn't easy. For the longest time, after accepting I was transitioning into a more dominant role, I still felt there were times I was supposed to choose between one or the other. Something as simple as just going to the bar could put me there. Do I leave the pup gear at home and go out in my cover, or do I put on the pup hood and other gear and go out as a pup? I was both even then, but finding the balance was elusive.

And what about my boys? Did they need me to carry myself more in the role of Sir, or were they fine if I was with them more as a pup? Was I somehow failing them or their expectations if I chose one over the other? They seem silly questions, but they're ones that I spent a lot of time wrestling with. Even as I embraced both parts of who I am, I struggled with bringing them together more often than I let on.

Fortunately, between my boys and all the pups and handlers I met during my title year, I was able to better come to grips with that internal struggle. The full package that is me was accepted in full, not piecemeal. I learned that it didn't matter that the two roles may be seen by others as contradictory. I was reassured that I'm not in some way thumbing my nose at long-held traditions and beliefs far older than my time in the community. I learned again that what mattered was that I be honest to myself and to let that honesty shine with pride and integrity. I was taught again that there is a time to let one take the lead over the other, yet both are equally important parts of who I am. Once again I was reminded just how fortunate I am to have in my life the people that are there and to be part of this community.

So, rather than try to jump between two boxes that do nothing but limit everything, I find myself wanting to toss those boxes aside and be both Pup and Sir at once. Yes, there will still be those who think it's somehow incorrect or in someway counter to certain beliefs. There will still be the looks when I wear the tail and my cover, or let my boy put me on the leash. Far more important is it to be honest to myself and about who and what I am than to hide it for fear of being judged.

So, the next part of the journey starts, and I look forward to it. Will I still on occasion feel caught between the two? Probably. I'm human, and change and growth don't happen overnight. And are the lessons ended? Not by a long shot, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
 

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

From Leatherboy to Pup




That the great journey called life is filled with experiences both profound and subtle pretty much goes without saying. And as many of us have at some point come to realize, something that seemed innocuous at the time was actually a major turning point. It’s only when we’ve moved forward from the moment far enough to reflect back and see it for what it is does that jump out at us.

This past weekend, a conversation with the man who brought my inner pup out for the very first time gave way to that kind of reflection. It was a chance to again look back at a moment that, while even at the time was filled with deep feeling, was a doorway through which I stepped into a whole new world. More importantly, it was a chance to really see how much being a part of the pup community means to me, the impact it’s had on my growth and journey, and how fortunate I am to have found my way into this great pack we have.

At the same time, it was a moment to look at where we were as a pack then and at how much things have grown and changed in what is relatively a short period of time.

But there was another realization that, after all these years, finally clicked. I didn’t realize it at the time (again, innocuous at the moment), but I encountered two things that were to affect tremendous change in my life in 2002. The first was my initial exposure to pups and puppy play. The second was meeting some of the boys from the DC boys of Leather.

This isn’t meant to be some kind of retrospective or “when I came out of the kennel” piece. However, to get to where I want to go, I do have to first look back.

My experiences in the leather and kink community have been tremendously positive ever since I first ventured into it nearly fourteen years ago. Yes, I know that 14 years is only a fraction of the experience of many who have come before me, and I don’t presume that makes me any kind of expert on anything. But those 14 years are packed with lessons learned, friendship and brotherhood shared, joys and hurts, love and loss.

And they have been packed with change. I’ve changed as a person and as part of the community. The community itself has grown and changed. Has it all been positive or constructive change? No. While most of the changes have been positive, there have been those occasional negatives that lead us to stumble. Each time, though, we’ve just dusted ourselves off and continued forward, a little wiser for the experience. Being human, however, we sometimes have to trip over the same kind of vine more than once before we realize it’s always going to tangle our feet.

With and through the DC boys, I quickly discovered and experienced a sense of brotherhood and community unlike any I had ever known. They were (and many still are) my brothers. As hard as it may be to believe, prior to my joining that club, I was actually pretty quiet. But the DC boys and my brothers in it brought out something that was just waiting to come out, to be shared and to be involved. It was a time and experience that influenced so much of my own growth in the community, and I will carry all those good memories wherever I go. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Which is why, given how rewarding and enriching my time with the DC boys of Leather was, I’m still amazed that what I’ve experienced among the pups has transcended even that. If asked at the time, I would have said it couldn’t be possible.

And I would have been completely wrong. Not that one is better than the other, only that the differences – and parallels – are so remarkable.

When I first joined the DC boys, the leatherboys as a whole were still in the process of identifying and asserting their place in the community. The concept of boys and submissives was nothing new to the leather community. Nevertheless, the leatherboys were coming together to look after and look out for each other and to help each other. They weren’t looking to take the leather community by storm, only establish a place that was their own, a place that was safe and in which boys could learn from one another. Leatherboy clubs were springing up all over the US and in Canada (the first, the DC boys of Leather, began in 1999). To be sure, there were the naysayers who either disparaged or pooh-poohed the then so-called “boy movement” or viewed the boys as community property. And there were those who used being a boy as an excuse for inappropriate behaviors that reflected negatively on the whole.

It has been the same with the pups and the evolution of the community pack that’s come into being. Pup play and pups aren’t a recent creation within the leather and kink communities; there are those who have been around for 20 years or more. Like the leatherboys before us, the pups are now coming together, to look after and look out for each other, to establish a place that’s safe for pups. A place where we can share and learn from each other. Like the leatherboys before us, the pups are at a point of finding its own identity while asserting its place within the greater community. Pup and handler clubs are coming together far and wide. Yes, we have the naysayers and disparagers. Those who disrespect our space or see us as community property. And, yes, we have those who use “pup” as an excuse for inappropriate behavior and whose behavior reflects negatively on the pup community as a whole.

What really stands out to me, however, is the intensity and speed with which the pup community has come together, adapted, and grown. Our reactions to challenges and pitfalls as a community have, in the main, been very analogous to the leatherboys. When I first came out of the kennel in 2008, there was very little organization or networking among pups. Moshes were far from commonplace.

How different it is today! In just six years – the same length of time I was with the DC boys before coming out as a pup – so much has changed. We, as a pack, have become a community in our own right, networked and connected not just all across the US, but worldwide. We’ve responded to challenges by looking for and adopting ways to better ourselves and each other rather than run pell-mell down the negative path that would tear us apart. We’ve built something in which we’re all proud, something that embraces the diversity we all bring to it. Something meant to last and to grow.

As much as I felt lucky to be one of the boys, that same feeling is even more intense when I look around at my pup brothers and sisters and know I’m one of you all. I’m reminded again that, when Jason Hall asked me how my first experience in pupspace felt, that my answer was a heartfelt “Natural.” And no matter what challenges are thrown in our way, I know we’ll overcome them, just as others have before us. As others before us successfully asserted their place among the whole, so will we. And, like those before us, we will accomplish that while maintaining and preserving that core of the pack that makes us distinct within the whole.

It’s already started.



P.S. One last little “coincidence” that bears mentioning. Jason Hall, the man who brought out my inner pup for the first time, was also one of the DC boys’ members who voted me into that club. Hmmm….)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

In Answer to a Question...




A question often comes up, both within the pup and handler community and from outside of it as well. It’s a question that stirs a great deal of discussion – some of it rather intense – and captures a wide array of viewpoints. Among pups and handlers, it’s a sometimes-awkward but ever-necessary step on our own path of self-discovery and self-identification as we emerge as a community pack. That often crosses inter-community lines as we explore it with those less involved with us toward a genuine mutual understanding. And, then, there are those ask it with a markedly different emphasis altogether.

Is the puppy community part of the leather community?

If that seems a simple, straightforward question, the reality of it is anything but simple or straightforward. The conversations surrounding it, and the passions it evokes are as many and as varied as there are people engaged or the number of arguments for either “yes” or “no.” In many ways, it goes to the heart of where the contemporary pup and handler community is in its growth and evolution.

There is no denying that the pup and handler community spans a wide array of interests and personal identifiers. There are those for whom pup play is sexual and those for whom it isn’t. To some it’s a kink, and a fetish to others. Some identify as leatherfolk; others don’t identify as such. Some include it as part of their D/s lifestyle, others don’t. We are diverse in terms of sexual orientation or gender identity. Some of us identify not just as pups, but as boys or subs, some are even Sirs or Doms. The same applies to handlers – not all are Doms and many identify with other parts of the broader kink & fetish community. There is no one-size-fits-all here.

Maybe part of the answer to the question lies in looking first at the history of pup play and the community that has grown around it.

There’s a general consensus that some of the roots of the pup and handler community can be found in leather. Part of our history includes that pup “play” was once more a form of humiliation, used to degrade or to punish. This is something found, not within just the past ten or fifteen years, but long before the emergence of what we have today. It’s there and has lent much to the shaping of what has come into being in the present. What was once used as humiliation or punishment evolved into a play and headspace in its own right, taking its place alongside a whole host of kink and fetish activities that we’ve come to accept as part of our lifestyle. There are many within the pup and handler community whose identity and involvement goes back years, well before the rise of what we see today, and a number of them have influenced what has since developed.

Also, there are roots within the emergence of the leatherboys/girls as a distinct part of the greater community. There are among us a good number who identify as boypups or first as boys but who are also pups. The number of pups who are in D/s relationships with their handlers or trainers, Daddies or Sirs isn’t small. There are many who found their way to the pup community or their own identity as pups through the leatherboys and the legacy the boys brought into the overall community as a distinct part of the whole. That many of the challenges and stumbles currently experienced by the pups and handlers today mirrors what happened in the late 90’s and early 2000’s is no coincidence.

Some of the practices and protocols we’ve brought forward and incorporated into the pup and handler community are quickly traced back to practices and traditions that were born among or adopted by leatherfolk. Where D/s relationships exist between pup and handler/Trainer/Owner, many of the traditional practices have been brought into play, from locked collars to pup play being a reward for service. Yes, there have been distinct changes in how some traditions have been adapted, but the essence of what was remains. Alpha/beta relationships can, in some ways, mirror a D/s hierarchal structure; a locked collar is still more often than not seen as a symbol of ownership.

I think, in light of just these examples (and there are more), the pup and handler community has some strong roots in the leather community. To say otherwise is to disregard where we’ve come from. Just as the pup and handler community can’t dismiss its history as part of the leather community, neither can others on the outside say we’re not connected to it.

However, like any community, ours has grown beyond its roots. What we see today, what’s grown from those seeds and roots, has blossomed into something more than what was planted. It’s fair to say that the pup and handler community is a part of the leather community, but it’s not entirely leather. Like so many other subsets of the kink & fetish world, ours has since come to intersect with a wide variety of other subsets, only one of which is the leather community. It intersects with the BDSM community, furries, the D/s communities, fetish and kink – and not all of them are entirely leather, either.

So, to again look at the question: Is the puppy community part of the leather community? 

Inasmuch as leather is a part of our history and much of what we are today can be traced back to leather, then yes.

However, the pup and handler community of today is not just leather. It’s so much more than that now. It’s a community in its own right, just as the BDSM and D/s communities are. As are the furries, the leatherwomen, bootblacks, and every other one out there. None of them – none – stand alone. Even as we each have our distinct identity, we’re also part of and bound to each other. At the individual level we identify more with some subsets than with others, and that’s perfectly fine. After all, don’t people often speak of how important our growth and journeys as individuals are?

Nevertheless, as a community pack, we’re connected to every other part of the greater whole. And we, as different parts of that greater whole, are all in it together.

So maybe it’s time to ask the next question: What can we do to look out for each other and come together as one?

Monday, May 4, 2015

PuppyGate 2015: Let's Keep It Positive

Enough has already been said about the problems coming out of CLAW regarding pups and inappropriate behavior. These actually aren't new problems or the first time we, as a pack community, have had them happen and tarnish the image we, as a whole, are working to portray. What makes this different is that the pup and handler community is rising to the challenge to affect a positive change.
And that's what I want to reinforce here. Not as a kumbaya moment, but as a chance to do what's needed to be seen with the respect with which we want to be seen.
Some very positive and constructive conversations have begun within the community itself. Some of our leading figures have stood up and faced the issue head on, a difficult task and one I applaud them for. Ideas are already being brought to the fore and looked at objectively.
It's important, not only that we keep this going, but that we do it maturely, constructively and respectfully. Right now, feelings are definitely running in the extreme. No one likes being put on the spot. But those negatives should not - must not - eclipse this opportunity.
Right now, it would be all too easy to say we aren't the only ones with some among us who act out or engage in inappropriate behavior. However, while that statement may ring true, it's an unnecessary distraction. What we need to remain focused on is our part of the communal whole and how we, as a pack, engage with it.
None of us are perfect. I know I'm not. But those imperfections don't have to hold us back. Heck, given the right circumstances, they give even more depth to our pack as a whole. So let's avoid getting hung up on those.
Let's listen to each other, discuss those ideas that can propel us forward, and avoid the ones that divide or set us back. We're one pack, and we're in this together.
Pup Tripp
IPC International Puppy 2014
Co-founder & Past Alpha, Mid-Atlantic Kennel Korps