Something to Talk About

Even though I’ve recently mentioned a lot here about change and transition for myself as a leatherman, still I find myself being surprised by little moments here and there.  I mean, for the most part, I don’t dwell on it; in the back of my mind is an awareness that these changes are happening and that the process is ongoing.  Maybe once in awhile a comment or two will be made that brings it to the fore.

I’ve never hid the fact that I want to, someday, take on a pup of my own.  I’ve experienced the handler side of things and know that it feels both natural and fulfilling.  And I’ve been able to quickly realize that having a pup means I’m in any way less of a pup myself.  If anything, it would reinforce my empathy and understanding.

But there’s been something else going along with it that I only rarely mention – and last night really stated to Ken for the first time: that I’m open to the possibility of taking on a boy. 

It’s somehow odd to be saying that and not feel uncomfortable any more.  Maybe because it’s not so much recognizing another part of myself emerging, but getting a clearer idea of something I already know is there.
 

With Ken, though, this has been putting the possibility on the table –and finding that not only did he kind of expect it, but that he actually supports the idea. So now it goes from me thinking about it to now talking with my husband about it, to see where we can take it together.

I find myself looking forward to those conversations!

Fun in New York and Folsom East

OK, now that I’ve pretty much recovered from an incredible weekend in New York.  After so much fun, it’s hard to believe I let 10 years pass between trips to Folsom East.  Yep!  10 years!  Last time I was there, we had drinks at the Lure.

I went into the weekend really – REALLY – looking forward, not just to having fun in New York, but to letting loose and having a good time with friends.  I’d pretty much made my decision to make Folsom East soon after CLAW (I think talking with CB kinda put the idea in my head).  After that, it was just a matter of making sure I had a place to stay.  After that, the having fun part would be easy.  Especially since there was a pup mosh involved.

And it was!  I pretty much flew out of the office at noon on Friday, picked up Steve in Harrisburg and left for NYC by 5pm and got in a little after 8. A breather at Coyote’s in Jersey City and on to two drunken nights at the NY Eagle, an afternoon wandering around the Village for the hell of it, and Folsom East!  Is it any wonder I was exhausted yesterday?  

Of course, it’s the time spent with good friends that made this weekend so fantastic.  It was good to get quality time with my friends Steve and Coyote.  We get too little as it is. Steve and I got to enjoy a leisurely afternoon in the Village.  Too often we’re either in town for or passing through from an AMCC meeting.  And any chance to hang with Coyote will end with fun being had and a good cigars being enjoyed.  Also got to hang out Friday night and Saturday evening with boy Matt, whom I met in Philly last month.  Pup Sox was with Pup Gunny were at the NY Eagle on Saturday and then caught up with them again at Folsom East on Sunday.  My pup made it in on Sunday for Folsom East, and it was good to see him again, even if for just an afternoon.  He and I had an “advent-cha” just getting from the pup mosh area to the Eagle and back! Wish I could have spent a little more time with Joe Aiello – fun and evil (is that redundant?) seem to close in whenever we’re together…or at least we seem to spawn the evil part!

And what’s a weekend like this without making some new friends?  Matt and Nate, who also stayed at Coyote’s – new to leather but they definitely have the energy for it. Pup Gunny, who was with Sox, glad I finally got to meet face to face.

I have to thank all of them for just being there and being who they are.  You guys are all incredible!  And extra thanks to Coyote for putting us up for the weekend.  

There are three, however, to whom I want to give additional thanks.  I said earlier I was looking forward to pup play during the weekend.  I’ll say now that I was a little apprehensive about it but was trying to not let it show.

The simple fact is that in the almost three months since being uncollared, I had not yet been able to get back into pupspace.  Not even at CLAW or at the MAKK Puppy Park.  I wanted to.  I tried. But, for whatever reason, I couldn’t do it.  As eager as I was for it going to Folsom or even getting into gear, that was still in the back of my head (again, didn’t want it to show, though).

But I did find the way back into pupspace and to be able to let go.  First, I want to thank my own beta.  Zinger, I have a hunch you knew how much I needed to release and go there, no matter that I would have liked having you romping with me.  And also for making sure I was okay when I came back out.  Also to Gunny for keeping me engaged.  And lastly, thanks to boy Matt.  You have talent as a handler, trust me!

The pup play was definitely a great conclusion to one hell of a weekend, and it was needed.  I hated leaving the festival, but as Steve and I walked back to Christopher Street, I began to be ready to go home.  I knew Ken was there waiting and I wanted to get back to him.

 The trip home was pretty quiet (Steve slept from Bethlehem until just outside of Harrisburg), so I had lots of opportunity to reflect, to consider, and to forge some new ideas.  This trip gave me a chance to blow off some steam and to re-energize for the things I'm working on here in DC.