A Bridge Not Yet Far Enough

One of the goals I set for myself as IPC’s International Puppy 2014 was to work on bridging the divide born of misunderstanding, misconception, and a certain level of unawareness between the broader leather & fetish community and the growing pup community within it. Having feet planted firmly in both places, there were already doors of opportunity open through which I could work to make new connections and strengthen old ones. Those avenues allowed for quicker progress toward the dialogue and discussion that is absolutely essential if we are to keep taking the necessary steps forward to mutual understanding. That there were voices within both communities urging me to take on that task only reinforced its importance and my commitment to it.

I believe I can safely say that I have made some measure of progress toward that goal. There is no way possible that it can be fully realized within the span of a couple of years, much less just one. However, at almost six months into my title year, I have already engaged in or facilitated a number of conversations that have been positive, enlightening, and constructive for all sides. More than enough to reaffirm my belief that the progress and the openness to make it happen are there.

Yet with them comes also the reminder of just how far we still have to go. For all those who are open and inviting to the pup community, there still remain the roadblocks that make the journey toward being one community united that much more difficult. For each success we achieve toward breaking through that wall of separation there remains the unbending rebar trying to hold firm to the existing structure. For each door that is unlocked, there remains some being held by hands on the other side so they can’t open.

The leather community today is not what it was 15 or 20 years ago, just as the leather community of 20 years ago was not what it was in the 60’s and 70’s. Nor will the leather & fetish community 10-15 years from now be what it is today. The change and evolution has been there all along and always will be. As each generation comes in to the leather and fetish community, it brings with it new ideas and concepts. These, in turn, meld with existing traditions, gradually replace those that have fallen into obsolescence, or themselves fall to the wayside. Together, it’s the fuel that propels the evolution of our community so that it can remain relevant and vital to those within it and inviting to those who want to join us.

In this present time, one of the instruments of that change and evolution is the emergence and growth of the contemporary pup and handler community. Like so many others before us, we’ve come to the threshold and found the way in to the broader community set with challenges and hurdles. And, like those who have come before us, rather than just give up and walk away from the party, we – as an overall community – have chosen to rise to those challenges, address and overcome them, and show that we’re just as much a part as anyone else.

And, yes, the pup & handler community is very much a part of the whole community. Even as we bring to it something new and different, we bring also new ways of adopting and living the traditions and protocols that have made the leather community the rich and enticingly mysterious entity it is. We bring with us paths of self-expression and acceptance taking their place right alongside those already there. Within the pup community there really is a melding of so many of the various parts of the broader scene. And, yes, it includes with it the flaws to remind us we’re not perfect and that there’s always room to grow.

Maybe not all of us wear leather. But a large number of us embrace and embody those traits that are taught time and again about what it means to BE leather. Just as a leatherman isn’t defined by the hides that went into making his vest or chaps, a pup or handler is more than the hood or leash they use to express what they are. Just as many of the people in the leather community adhere to, believe in, and promote relationships built on D/s dynamics, many in the pup & handler community embrace those same concepts. There are some who come into the leather and fetish world just for the intense edginess of the play. There are pups and handlers who have that same interest and fascination. Pup play, at one of its most basic levels, is a form of BDSM/kink play – different from any other form of play only in the specifics of what’s being done.

Within the leather & fetish community, it is repeated time and again that we are defined in no small part by what’s in our hearts. We are taught and told about the concepts of the slave heart or the boy heart, even the Sir or Daddy hearts. The pup heart and its handler counterpart are no less real and are equally definitive.  Within the social structure of the leather and fetish community is a wide array of roles and identifiers: Master/slave, Daddy or Sir/boy, Dom/sub, and so on. The roles of Handler/pup are just as viable. Among us you will easily find respected mentors and leaders, just as they are to be found throughout the diverse whole.

Just as the broader community has its avenues of addressing problems and problem elements within it, the pup community is equally aware of and determined to address its own.

Yes, there are most certainly things that make pups different. However, within a wide community where embracing and encouraging difference are part of our core, there is room to expand even further. We identify – and express – distinct canine characteristics and then incorporate them in to what we do. We, as a community, willingly take on labels and roles such as pup, handler, or trainer instead of some that may be considered more traditional. But rather than think we are tossing aside tradition in the interest of self-assertion, we’re doing our part to keep many of those traditions alive and relevant by adapting them to contemporary times and situations.

The pup community isn’t here to change everything. It’s here to give a place within the larger community to many who might not otherwise have ever found one. We aren’t out to upset the banquet table or take over the dungeon. All we’re really looking for is a place to put our dog bowls down and be part of the conversation, a corner in the dungeon to play so we’re part of the party, and the chance to be who and what we are alongside everyone else.

When the Pack Howls

Somewhere, in the late watches of the night, as the Moon rides supreme in the sky, the howl begins…

Do I howl in pain, venting my hurts and anger that they do not consume me?

Do I howl in loneliness, hoping another will answer?

Do I howl simply for the joy and wonder in my heart?

The Moon always knows why I howl, even when I may not know clearly myself.

How many things lay hidden in that howl, unnoticed by ears that hear but don’t listen?  For what may seem a lonely lament may often be a free spirit calling out.  What may seem a paean to the wonder of Night is a heart crying out in loneliness.

Listen, not with your ears, but with your heart, to the voice that echoes down the corridors of the Night.  It speaks, not with words, but with feeling deeply rooted.  Let it take you to a place where you no longer need language, where understanding comes directly through the spirit.

And then…only then…can you feel the real power of the chorus when you realize we never truly howl alone.

Keeping Disrespect on a Short Leash

As the pup community continues to grow and define both itself and its place within the broader leather and fetish community, there is a lot of discussion about what being a pup and pup play are all about. We often explore through discussions and interactions the various aspects and motivations we bring to it. Yes, we sometimes get into disagreements about it, but in the end we come back to a general consensus that there is no single right way or approach.

But one thing we almost always agree on is something that pup play absolutely isn’t about: that pup play and being a pup is not about having free reign to be disrespectful or disruptive. Being a pup does not excuse us from common or community norms for accepted public behavior. One of the most common complaints I encounter in my travels from leather and kinky folk is about people who will impose on someone’s personal space and then say that they’re a pup and they’re allowed to do it.

There is nothing that justifies disrespectful behavior, and putting ones nose in a stranger’s crotch without permission is just that: disrespectful. Being a pup does not allow for that behavior!

Yes, I’ve heard the counter that bio-dogs do it. For one thing, that kind of behavior with bio dogs is very much frowned upon. If a bio dog goes around biting or putting its face where it’s not invited or barking disruptively, it often gets smacked or dealt with angrily. It may even go so far as to having someone called or action taken to remove the dog entirely. If there’s a handler immediately at hand, they’re held responsible for the dog’s behavior.

For human pups and their handlers, it’s no different.

Or to put it within the context of how we play together as kinksters and leatherfolk. If someone came up to a complete stranger with a flogger and just started hitting them with it, there’s no way in this world or any other we would call that acceptable. No one would ever accept that it’s justified simply because that’s the play they get into. In fact, that kind of behavior isn’t merely disrespectful, it’s downright illegal and dangerous.

For pups and pup play, it’s no different.

Yes, part of pup play is about letting go our conscious concerns and inhibitions and just being in the moment. But, even so, we are still humans. The behavioral expectations placed upon as members of a community still remain. Just as we encourage thorough preparation for any kind of play scene to keep it safe and respectful, it’s important to adopt that same mindset when approaching a pup play.

Even as the pup community continues to build and define itself, none of us who are dedicated to it agree with these excuses that being a pup is some kind of “get out of responsibility free” card. We frown on and reject these behaviors. Even as we bring together a more cohesive and embracing puppy community, nowhere within it – or the broader leather and fetish world of which we are a part – are we trying to rewrite standards of acceptable social behavior. Nor are we, as a community, encouraging these continued examples of inappropriate behavior.

 

Pup play brings something different and distinct to the leather & kink world. That doesn’t include the liberty to be act irresponsibly and disrespectfully.