Remember the Prides of June

The Prides of June have pretty much passed. This year we came to see just how much division there is in the community. Not just the leather/kink community, but the LGBTQ+ community as well. The debates and disagreements are going to continue long after June 2017 is one for the history books - and it's going to leave many of us asking some very difficult questions. Sometimes, it's going to seem like it just isn't worth it, and some might wonder if there's something better somewhere else...

We all want as much of the uplifting and the positive we can get in our daily lives. We all know there’s an over-abundance of the negative and discouraging out there. Sometimes, though, the positive we need isn’t the shiny over there. It’s that glimmer of silver in the muck we’re mired in that can kindle a spark hope; that solid foothold in the quagmire that reassures us we aren’t going to drown.

That’s where we are right now.  We see around us what seems to be a raging battlefield, with opinions and rebuttals being fired off like heavy artillery. It can seem daunting or overwhelming. Maybe even exasperating. However, there's strength to be found in realizing that we are, believe it or not, right where we should be.

How can I say that, you may ask?

Quite simply, every divide and fracture we are currently seeing has been around for a long time. Go back to the earliest days of leather, even the gay rights movement, and you'll find it. It's been our dirty little secret all along, the one we didn't talk about. And, when we did, it was easy to apply superficial remedies and then go back to the status quo. The community was connected only by word of mouth and a few news articles here and then. The shadows were able to flourish in so little light.

The world is a lot more connected now. Those dirty secrets can't stay in the dark any more. Social media both shines a spotlight on them and puts them under a microscope. We can no longer deny the divides.

The question then becomes "What do we do about it?"

Now we have the opportunity to heal the fractures. But, like a fractured leg, resetting it is going to be painful as hell. Even more so because the community hobbled around on those fractures for a long time. In the end, the community – like that fractured leg – will heal if we acknowledge what we need to do to make it better.

And the first thing we have to do is LISTEN. Listen to what the voices who are crying out are saying to us. The cries being raised today are the cries that were raised a year ago, 10 years ago, even 30 and 50. But those cries have kept falling on deaf ears. Cries are being raised to draw attention to the marginalization and discrimination of trans-folk and gender-nonconforming, people of color, women, people whose sexual identity isn’t necessarily predicated on the binary of gay or straight. But these are not new cries. These have been taken up by a new generation, passed down through the years until today. How can we not expect the anger and rage that's coming out now if they’ve gone unheard for so long?

We (defined here as the community in general) had have had ample opportunity to listen all along yet failed to meaningfully do so.  We - those among us who enjoy measures of privilege that others in the community do not – are the ones who need to listen. I know people have tried to draw attention to these things over the years, and I won’t overshadow by painting everyone with the same brush. But, in some measure, we’ve all played a part in what’s brought this community to where it now stands.

I'm fully aware that that is an unpopular position. Yet to not listen seems to me to continue the cycle of marginalization and victimization we’re seeing. To defend a status quo that sacrifices equality and cohesion for the sake of personal comfort only makes an already untenable situation that much worse.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  We just have to start by listening. Listening to what those who are struggling in ways many of us can’t imagine need to feel safe and included. Learning doesn't happen when we're shouting down and raging against what we need to know - it happens when we listen.

So, what have we got to lose by just listening?

Diamonds in the Rough

“Don’t think of them as battle scars. Think of them as facets on a very beautiful, unique diamond.”

I posted that as a Facebook status a while back. At the time, it was more of a random thought, but it’s one that has stayed with me through the following months. A couple of inter-related discussions yesterday on Puppy 101 and Sirs & boys, as well as a personal post by a brother pup out there brought it back to mind.

I can’t help but think how hard it can be to see the diamond. It shouldn’t HAVE to be difficult at all, but we continuously find ourselves in situations that make it difficult to see. We live in a world that puts more value on uniformity and conformity that it does on individuality. And no matter how many times others may tell us how valuable and wonderful we can be as individuals, it’s something we each have to find in ourselves. Only then can we see the diamond that is our true inner selves and have faith that it is always there, even during the stormy times.

For those of us in the leather/kink/fetish community, the struggle to find that diamond doesn’t have to be made more difficult than the rest of the society is already making it. There isn’t a person in this community who hasn’t weathered the storms of criticism and judgment, the recriminations and rejections from those on the outside – and, unfortunately, some on the inside as well.  We’ve seen how damaging just one word of derision can be.  We’ve seen potential lost to us when narrow-mindedness trumped acceptance. And we’ve seen our collective future brightened simply because one person was given the chance that made all the difference.

I can’t make anyone look within that isn’t ready. But I CAN reassure them that they aren’t alone and that the journey to find their true inner selves is the best one they can ever take. It’s something we can all do.  There are enough people on the outside telling us we’re wrong. Let’s be the collective voice telling each other we’re all on the right path.

Letting It Out...

Sometimes when it hurts, there's nothing left to do but howl.  Howl until I can't howl any more.

I know it doesn't take away the hurt, that it's still there and needs time to heal.  But far better to howl it out than to hold it inside and let it become bitterness and anger.

Random Thought I

I should have been keeping these here before this.  So here's the first one... 

Sometimes when we fall, it isn't to bring us down, but to give us a chance to spread our wings again and fly.