This morning while showering, without thinking, I went to lift my collar - only to realize it wasn't there. And a few minutes later I couldn't help but notice the absence while looking in the mirror. Realizing it makes me feel naked and vulnerable. For three years it was there, as much a part of me as my fingers and toes.
Just like my wedding ring. And while maybe the commitment it symbolized it was different from the ring given me by my husband, it was no less deep or significant. It was never one I took lightly or disrespected.
It's going to take some getting used to, probably more than I realize. I know it's not something to which I'll immediately adapt. Hell, I'm not ever sure what the full repercussions might be yet. My feelings are still a little scrambled; I know that's going to take time, too.
Someone said in response to my last posting that there is a reason for everything. I think back over the things that have been happening; the changes and growth I've been experiencing in my journey. I can believe there is a reason behind all of this. Right now, though, it's hard to see. I'll do my best to keep my faith and to keep my head up so that I can see it when the clouds part. I doubt it'll be written in the sand, so looking down won't show it to me.
This afternoon I bought replacement tags. These say just say "TRIPP." Come what may, I'm still the alpha pup I was under collar. Through the hurt, I can tell this isn't a step back, but the first small one into the next part of the journey.
Keep your muzzle up pup.
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