In the course of discussions and educational sessions, we
often hear terms used like “boy heart” or “slave heart” or even “Sir or Daddy
heart.” And, for many of us in the
leather/fetish community, we tend to agree that terms such as these are
accurate descriptors. They serve to demonstrate that our identities are more
than a label or rationalization, that we feel these things very deeply, heart
and soul.
But what about the pups and the pup heart?
On the surface, it may not be easy to tell any difference. After all, not
everyone into pup play identifies as a pup. Also, and to the consternation of
some, pups aren’t as easily pigeon-holed into a set role outline. There are
service pups, pups who are actually the Dominant in a relationship, Alphas and
betas, and so on. Some pups have handlers; others don’t. Any number of traits that can be ascribed across a wide spectrum may pertain to boys as well as pups.
The ambiguity is part of what sometimes obscures it. So, too, does that fact
that so much of who we are is still being explored.
Although neither pups nor pup play are new concepts, having
been around for decades, the resurgence over the past few years has been very
powerful. Pup moshes are becoming a
large draw at most major events, including IML, MAL, and CLAW. Clubs and groups
for pups and handlers are springing up all across the US and in Canada (and
another recently formed in Germany). In the age of social networking, the pup
community is coming together in ways unprecedented.
However, this rapid-paced resurgence isn’t without its
caveats. There are segments of the greater leather/fetish/kink community that
aren’t quite sure what pups and pup play is all about or where a handler/pup
relationship can fit in along the D/s continuum. Some aren’t sure what to make of
pups in general, sometimes falling back on definitions that may be accurate for
some but most certainly not all. Within the pup community there is a great deal
of discussion about who we are as a segment of the larger community, which can
shade how others see us as a whole. As a result, people will cast about for a
frame of reference, and too often fail to catch the subtle nuances that set us
apart as pups.
And what are some of those subtle nuances that define the
pup heart? As may be expected, you can see them by watching pups in action. Granted,
there will be very pronounced similarities between what a pup might do and what
one might expect from a boy. The key is to remember that pups run the gamut
within the D/s continuum (not all pups are submissive!). It’s not going to be just
things that you see from pups in a mosh or out at the local bar in full pup
gear. It’s not the play or the gear that defines the pup, although some insight
into a pup heart can be made during play. And, also, it’s well nigh impossible
for anyone to be in a pup headspace on a 24/7 basis, no matter how many pups
might wish otherwise.
One has to look beyond the play and see how the pup carries and
views himself. Watch the little things the pup does. How the pup responds, even
in an everyday setting. You’ll see an almost-canine element in many of the
reactions. Negative or threatening circumstances can elicit very distinct
growls (some, if pushed, may actually nip). Although most leatherboys I know
like a firm head rub, start giving a pup ear scritches and watch what happens. And put a bunch of pups together, even away
from a mosh or similar setting, and you’ll have little doubt. There’s an
element of playfulness that comes out very naturally, and the nature of the
interaction will define it.
Of course, I can’t speak for all pups. But I can for myself. I’m a pup. I was a pup even before I realized it
consciously. I know this because of how I felt the first time I connected with
my inner pup. That was a moment of realizing I had found a very key part of my
true self. The specifics of how it happened aren’t important, what came out of
it made all the difference in how I see myself within the community and defines
much of the work I’ve done on its behalf. And, paramount, is that while I’ve grown from
the sub role in one D/s relationship to the Dom in a second one, those things
that define the inner pup remain unchanged.
Sometimes I do things without even realizing it. For
example: for many years now, I’ve kept a small rubber ball in one of the
pockets of my leather jacket. It was put there so I could tell which jacket was
mine when a bunch of leather biker jackets were all stored together. And over
the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve pulled that same ball out of
my pocket to play with it, even chase it across a parking lot if it got away
from me. Anyone tried to take it, I would literally growl. Same if someone
tries to take my chew toys.
The pup heart, like any other, isn’t defined by
rationalization or categorizing. In the end, we’re all human, and any trait we
think of is a human trait. What ultimately separates it from the other
possibilities is how the pup sees and feels about himself and the acceptance of
the rest of the community at that level. The pup heart, like all others,
reaches its fullest potential and state of being when we all lay aside our
pre-conceptions and notions and accept the heart for what’s in it.
