My boy posted this on Facebook’s Puppy 101 in response to
a question posed about pups dealing with handlers who are also pups:
My Sir is a
pup and I understood when receiving his collar that he is, and always will be,
a pup at heart. I knew going into the D/s relationship that there will be times
when his need to be a pup will outweigh any of my desires. Dynamics,
communication and expectations are very important as we both need to be in the
proper head space. Advance discussion seems to work best for me especially if
we both want to pup out at the same time so we can then identify a 3rd party to
watch out for us both.There have been a couple times when I wanted to get down and play; however, most of the time, my Handler/Trainer mindset kicks right in where Sir is concerned. Prior to receiving Sir's collar, I used to handle him when his former handler/trainer was not able to be there, so that piece was already there for us both. He brought out the pup in me a year ago, which I have enjoyed immensely. There have been a few times that I wanted to be down in pup space when Sir has been in pup space. To manage my emotions around it, I remind myself that I am his boy first and that means I am his handler when he needs to be pup. I remind myself that he has placed a lot of trust in me to watch out for him and protect him and I will not let him down. That is the service I provide to him as his boy – making sure his needs are met. It is not always easy. What I love about my Sir is that he recognizes the difficulties and we talk openly about them.
From the very beginning of our D/s relationship, this has been one of the harder challenges for me. Not because I’m uncomfortable with my boy also being my handler. Strangely enough (or maybe not at all), the nature of our dynamic is such that I’m perfectly comfortable being the pup to his handler. As boy Tom points out, we went into this with the precedent of him acting as my handler when my own handler/trainer was unavailable. So I know at a very deep level that I can trust him enough to let my inner pup out and completely go with it.
No, the challenge was reconciling my being a pup with the transition from sub to Dom. I’ve often said that remaining a pup was the constant during the transition. But, in all honesty, there were times when I thought that going further into the transition meant losing that and no longer having time to BE the pup. How could I have ever thought I would lose the pup when it’s so much a part of who I am? And, yet, that is exactly where my mind sometimes went. How could I be a handler to my boy and alpha to my beta and still be the pup I am. How can I be both pup and Dom? Eh, hindsight is, as people say, 20/20. The one presenting the challenge was me. Fortunately, this old dog can learn new tricks.
So, how can I be the pup and have my boy as the handler?
Quite simply, because it’s both of us being who we are – and being comfortable
with who we are. It’s not him taking control, but rather it’s the boy doing
what he needs to make sure his Sir’s needs are met. Often it means he’s setting aside his own
desire to pup out in favor of giving his Sir the time needed in pupspace. A pup
has to enter pupspace knowing his handler is there for his needs – my boy does
just that. I know it’s not always easy for him to sublimate his own desires,
and I appreciate his choice and ability to do so more than I can say.
As someone once said, the only limit to the possibilities of
our relationships in the leather community is our own imaginations. For me and
my boy, we have what I know is an unusual D/s dynamic. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.