Tonight, the DC boys of Leather celebrated 12 years of brotherhood and commitment to the community. With it came a close to my third term as president of the DC boys. I can honestly say I welcome this closing, not so much from being relieved, but from a sense that I accomplished what I set out to do. Definitely a far cry from the wistfulness at the end of the 2nd term three years ago. It was a good year, and it was a fun year. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
This club has been a major part of my growth as a pup and leatherboy, even before I joined back in 2003. I'm not sure what my path in the leather community would have been without it. Having been allowed the honor of serving the club by leading it has been rewarding in so many ways. Some tell me I've given a lot to the club, but I know that's small compared to what I've gotten out of it. To all of my brothers, past and present, I say thank you.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Finding the pup within
If there is one lesson that I have learned over the years, it is that the last steps of one part of the journey are also the first steps of the next. That life is more than a single journey but a series of parallels and intertwining threads all leading forward makes that lesson even more poignant. And it is essential that we take a moment here and there to look at where each journey has brought us, to look not just all around us, but to peer within ourselves.
The irony is that looking within ourselves is rarely easy. It’s not until we become truly comfortable with ourselves that we can readily look within, but only by looking deep within can we become honestly comfortable with ourselves.
In the years since I really came into the leather community, I’ve succeeded in reaching that point. I can honestly say I wasn’t always comfortable with myself and reluctant to really look inside. I’ve been fortunate enough since to find and become deeply acquainted with myself. The experiences, the friendships, and the sense of belonging I now know all came about from that finally finding the courage to take that look. In turn, it has all made possible one hell of a journey into self-discovery.
So why share it? Why put it into writing? What makes recent experiences so much different? To be fully honest, I’m not entirely sure. What I do know is that, since first openly recognizing and exploring my inner pup, the questions I’ve been asked have given me cause to ponder and assess even more.
When did I first begin to realize I identified as a pup?
It goes without saying that this has been a process of self-realization. My first encounters with Trainers and pups or puppy play in general left me deeply intrigued, but there wasn’t (at least that I can recall) any dawning sense of recognition. However, I was only just beginning to come into the leather scene and, like nearly everything else about the scene, it was new. The exploration of my own self and place within the scene was only starting. Yet, while I experienced growth and learning in other areas, the intrigue and curiosity remained.
Now that a few years have passed and I’ve gone a little further along my own journey, I’ve accumulated enough experiences and self-understanding to see how that intrigue grew into a sense of identification. Maybe it was there the whole time, only at a subconscious level. In either case, the curiosity provided the impetus to explore it. Having spent several years among diverse and energetic leatherboys, I’ve gained enough knowledge of myself to see where I was and where I now am.
If there was one event more than any other that triggered the realization, however, it was at MAL 2008. During that weekend, after meeting another pup and realizing quickly how much I related to him at that level, I soon thereafter had a direct experience myself. I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow a boot-licking ended up as trip into pupspace. And, when I came out of it and realized where I had been, I began to recognize that I had touched a part of myself that lay very deep within and yet was strangely familiar.
After that, I wasn’t really sure where to go with it, though. To be honest, I felt somewhat embarrassed. I’m not sure why I felt embarrassed, except that maybe I had some erroneous notions and a skewed sense of responsibility.
Fortunately, however, that period wasn’t to last long. For one thing, other pups began to bring it out of me. Jesse (aka pup caveat) seemed to have an instinct for knowing how to do it. At the same time, the presence of pups within the DC boys was becoming more pronounced, especially with pup Pedro in the 2008 spring pledge class. Pedro was also adept at bring out the pup in me with little difficulty. Fortunately, I was quickly allowed to see that it was perfectly fine.
The ending my 2nd term as president of the DC boys also helped. I no longer felt some of those misconceived pressures and relaxed more. As the summer progressed and arrangements were completed for our “Puppies of Hades” outing as part of Olympia, I found myself slowly embracing the idea. Part of me was a little skittish though, as I hadn’t really shared any of this with my friends – some of whom I actually consider family.
Yet, during that weekend, I found it very easy to let go fully and be a pup in front of others. Since then, it’s become both natural and comfortable. There is still some acclimating to be had, by both myself and others, but I know I can be myself. Some of the developments that have resulted were certainly unexpected, but all have been to the good.
The most unexpected of all was being collared as a pup by Mister J. That has become the next part of this journey.
What do I get from being a pup? What does it mean to me?
I get asked questions comparable to these on a regular basis. Actually, they were among the first ones I asked myself. And the answers aren’t always easily put into words. Being a pup is part of how I identify myself within the community and an overall expression of a part of myself. Puppy play is a variety of activities, in nearly all of which I find a unique joy.
I’m still not sure I can adequately put into words what it means – to me – to be a pup. It is a further expression of my inner self, one that touches parts of me that other avenues don’t. Through discussion and interaction with other pups, I’ve come to recognize certain things within myself as something we share, especially through shared pup headspace. At the same time, it doesn’t discount the service-oriented part of me either.
I do know that when I fully go into pup headspace – completely becoming pup tripp, down on all fours, with mitts on and a water dish nearby – I can completely let go. I have found that that is – to me – the most intense expression of submission I have ever felt. It is more than just submission to my Mister when He leads me there, but also to a deeply-rooted part of myself.
When I come out of that space, I always feel reinvigorated. For a short span, all the worries and concerns I have are rendered moot. I go into it knowing they will still be there when I return. But, for a short while, they don’t matter one iota. That’s a pretty powerful experience and makes for one beautiful reward!
Yet there is so much more to it than the mitts or the tail or the leash. There is often a lasting sense of contentment. From something as simple as barking once or twice when Ken walks in the door or lying at Mister J’s feet after playing fetch to something more involved like being walked through a crowd on a leash (on two legs or all fours) or rough and tumble with other pups, that feeling almost always follows.
And there is still more to all of it than I can put into words. The added sense of self, the comfort level I’ve found with all of it, a deeper feeling of belonging. All of these things and more. Maybe in the future I can find better words – or maybe it’s enough to know these things are there and there really is no need for words.
Like so many other things in life, I don’t know where this will go or where it will take me. I know that I have found another part of myself and have learned to become comfortable with it. I know that, like anything else in life, it has its place and is best when kept in balance with everything else.
Other pups I know seem to not be surprised by this. I’ve certainly found support and acceptance among them. That’s a strong foundation upon which to grow.
For now I can look back and see where I’ve been. That gives me a better sense of where I am in the present. The rest will come in its own time. Besides, when I’m fully in pupspace, tomorrow doesn’t matter anyway.
The irony is that looking within ourselves is rarely easy. It’s not until we become truly comfortable with ourselves that we can readily look within, but only by looking deep within can we become honestly comfortable with ourselves.
In the years since I really came into the leather community, I’ve succeeded in reaching that point. I can honestly say I wasn’t always comfortable with myself and reluctant to really look inside. I’ve been fortunate enough since to find and become deeply acquainted with myself. The experiences, the friendships, and the sense of belonging I now know all came about from that finally finding the courage to take that look. In turn, it has all made possible one hell of a journey into self-discovery.
So why share it? Why put it into writing? What makes recent experiences so much different? To be fully honest, I’m not entirely sure. What I do know is that, since first openly recognizing and exploring my inner pup, the questions I’ve been asked have given me cause to ponder and assess even more.
When did I first begin to realize I identified as a pup?
It goes without saying that this has been a process of self-realization. My first encounters with Trainers and pups or puppy play in general left me deeply intrigued, but there wasn’t (at least that I can recall) any dawning sense of recognition. However, I was only just beginning to come into the leather scene and, like nearly everything else about the scene, it was new. The exploration of my own self and place within the scene was only starting. Yet, while I experienced growth and learning in other areas, the intrigue and curiosity remained.
Now that a few years have passed and I’ve gone a little further along my own journey, I’ve accumulated enough experiences and self-understanding to see how that intrigue grew into a sense of identification. Maybe it was there the whole time, only at a subconscious level. In either case, the curiosity provided the impetus to explore it. Having spent several years among diverse and energetic leatherboys, I’ve gained enough knowledge of myself to see where I was and where I now am.
If there was one event more than any other that triggered the realization, however, it was at MAL 2008. During that weekend, after meeting another pup and realizing quickly how much I related to him at that level, I soon thereafter had a direct experience myself. I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow a boot-licking ended up as trip into pupspace. And, when I came out of it and realized where I had been, I began to recognize that I had touched a part of myself that lay very deep within and yet was strangely familiar.
After that, I wasn’t really sure where to go with it, though. To be honest, I felt somewhat embarrassed. I’m not sure why I felt embarrassed, except that maybe I had some erroneous notions and a skewed sense of responsibility.
Fortunately, however, that period wasn’t to last long. For one thing, other pups began to bring it out of me. Jesse (aka pup caveat) seemed to have an instinct for knowing how to do it. At the same time, the presence of pups within the DC boys was becoming more pronounced, especially with pup Pedro in the 2008 spring pledge class. Pedro was also adept at bring out the pup in me with little difficulty. Fortunately, I was quickly allowed to see that it was perfectly fine.
The ending my 2nd term as president of the DC boys also helped. I no longer felt some of those misconceived pressures and relaxed more. As the summer progressed and arrangements were completed for our “Puppies of Hades” outing as part of Olympia, I found myself slowly embracing the idea. Part of me was a little skittish though, as I hadn’t really shared any of this with my friends – some of whom I actually consider family.
Yet, during that weekend, I found it very easy to let go fully and be a pup in front of others. Since then, it’s become both natural and comfortable. There is still some acclimating to be had, by both myself and others, but I know I can be myself. Some of the developments that have resulted were certainly unexpected, but all have been to the good.
The most unexpected of all was being collared as a pup by Mister J. That has become the next part of this journey.
What do I get from being a pup? What does it mean to me?
I get asked questions comparable to these on a regular basis. Actually, they were among the first ones I asked myself. And the answers aren’t always easily put into words. Being a pup is part of how I identify myself within the community and an overall expression of a part of myself. Puppy play is a variety of activities, in nearly all of which I find a unique joy.
I’m still not sure I can adequately put into words what it means – to me – to be a pup. It is a further expression of my inner self, one that touches parts of me that other avenues don’t. Through discussion and interaction with other pups, I’ve come to recognize certain things within myself as something we share, especially through shared pup headspace. At the same time, it doesn’t discount the service-oriented part of me either.
I do know that when I fully go into pup headspace – completely becoming pup tripp, down on all fours, with mitts on and a water dish nearby – I can completely let go. I have found that that is – to me – the most intense expression of submission I have ever felt. It is more than just submission to my Mister when He leads me there, but also to a deeply-rooted part of myself.
When I come out of that space, I always feel reinvigorated. For a short span, all the worries and concerns I have are rendered moot. I go into it knowing they will still be there when I return. But, for a short while, they don’t matter one iota. That’s a pretty powerful experience and makes for one beautiful reward!
Yet there is so much more to it than the mitts or the tail or the leash. There is often a lasting sense of contentment. From something as simple as barking once or twice when Ken walks in the door or lying at Mister J’s feet after playing fetch to something more involved like being walked through a crowd on a leash (on two legs or all fours) or rough and tumble with other pups, that feeling almost always follows.
And there is still more to all of it than I can put into words. The added sense of self, the comfort level I’ve found with all of it, a deeper feeling of belonging. All of these things and more. Maybe in the future I can find better words – or maybe it’s enough to know these things are there and there really is no need for words.
Like so many other things in life, I don’t know where this will go or where it will take me. I know that I have found another part of myself and have learned to become comfortable with it. I know that, like anything else in life, it has its place and is best when kept in balance with everything else.
Other pups I know seem to not be surprised by this. I’ve certainly found support and acceptance among them. That’s a strong foundation upon which to grow.
For now I can look back and see where I’ve been. That gives me a better sense of where I am in the present. The rest will come in its own time. Besides, when I’m fully in pupspace, tomorrow doesn’t matter anyway.
Greetings!
It's at the instruction of my Mister that I'm beginning this blog. Not that I particularly have any reservation about doing it. I usually find it helpful to myself to put my thoughts into words - and if it helps someone else in the process, well that's an added plus on all levels.
So here it is, in whatever shape it takes. I hope it stays interesting as it goes!
-pup tripp-
So here it is, in whatever shape it takes. I hope it stays interesting as it goes!
-pup tripp-
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