Sometimes, and more often than I’d like, I still come across
conversations – online and otherwise – about who is or isn’t a pup or about
such conversations that left a pup hurt and disillusioned. Even worse is when
these aren’t actually conversations but rather flat out –and almost always
uninformed – statements of so-called fact. Too often these instances end with a pup feeling angry or confused, maybe even marginalized, and almost always hurt.
And too many times it’s driven off a pup that might otherwise have made great
strides in discovering more about himself and is now detached from a community
that would have been supportive.
Make no bones about it (pun only slightly intended); I am
very protective of my pupbrothers and sisters. I will argue for them, defend
them, and – if necessary – get downright combatative for them. My preference is
always to be respectful and to educate where possible. But this alpha does have
teeth behind his playful bark.
Pups and pup play are not really new. While the rapid growth
of the contemporary pup community (which includes our handlers) is fairly
recent, going back really six or seven years, pup play itself goes back much
farther, even before the advent of the earliest days of leather. There are
among us now pups who have identified as such for more than 20 years. However,
the sheer swiftness with which our numbers have grown over the last few years
has given rise to a lot of misunderstandings about pups and our play.
One thing and one thing only matters: Is the person a pup in
their heart? And that one thing is not for anyone other than the pup to
ultimately decide. Just as we talk about the “boy heart” or “slave heart” or
even a “Sir’s heart,” there is also the pup heart. And just as we encourage
boys and slaves and all others to explore their hearts, to live and be true to
what’s in their hearts, so too should we encourage pups.
Too many yet dismiss pups on the basis of arbitrary and incorrect
reasoning. The person isn’t the right body size or shape to be a pup. They’re
too old. They’re just boys acting out. That since they have no handler, they
can’t really be a pup. Or maybe because they don’t wear the “right” gear, or
even because they don’t pup out in public settings.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Pups come in all sizes, all ages, all gender identifications
and sexual orientations, all fetish preferences, you name it. Gear no more
makes a pup than a Sir’s cap makes a Master or Daddy. Some pups are more
expressive than others; some are more comfortable in public than others. Gear
preferences vary from pup to pup, with some preferring leather, others
neoprene, and even those who prefer nothing at all.
Again, it all comes down to what’s in their hearts.
Consider for a moment the vast diversity among bio canines.
Not only is there a vast number of different breeds out there, but each dog has
his or her own personality, its own likes and dislikes. They come in all ages
and sizes, even within the same breed.
Are human pups really any different? We aren’t bio canines,
but the energy we draw from and channel is very much canine in nature. We pups
don’t have to be geared up or down on all fours in a mosh to be who we are. We
don’t need to be in state of constant pupspace. The energy of our inner pups,
for many of us, finds ways to integrate with daily activities, often without it
being immediately realized.
To say someone isn’t a pup because they don’t fit some
preconceived notion of what defines a pup is unfair, degrading and disrespectful.
It’s making a call based on appearances and subjective ideas without taking the
time to understand what’s in the heart. It’s
necessary to look beyond the gear (or absence thereof) as well as appearance or
whatever else is on the outside. It’s what’s on the inside that matters, and snap
judgments cannot take that into account.
To be sure, there are things that seem to make it all
murkier. There are boys who identify as boys but enjoy pup play. There are pups
who are actually Doms. Some people still hearken back to when pup “play” was a
form of humiliation. Again, it all comes back to what’s in the heart. The
murkiness comes from appearance only.
There are still a lot of pups out there coming to terms with
or beginning to explore who and what they are. Our encouragement and acceptance
of them not only reinforces their growing awareness of themselves as pups, but encourages
them to become active members of our community. We do them a favor by being that positive
support, and we do ourselves a favor by displaying those things about ourselves
and our community that make it all such a great place.
