A Pup or Not a Pup. There's Only One Question

Sometimes, and more often than I’d like, I still come across conversations – online and otherwise – about who is or isn’t a pup or about such conversations that left a pup hurt and disillusioned. Even worse is when these aren’t actually conversations but rather flat out –and almost always uninformed – statements of so-called fact. Too often these instances end with a pup feeling angry or confused, maybe even marginalized, and almost always hurt. And too many times it’s driven off a pup that might otherwise have made great strides in discovering more about himself and is now detached from a community that would have been supportive.

Make no bones about it (pun only slightly intended); I am very protective of my pupbrothers and sisters. I will argue for them, defend them, and – if necessary – get downright combatative for them. My preference is always to be respectful and to educate where possible. But this alpha does have teeth behind his playful bark.

Pups and pup play are not really new. While the rapid growth of the contemporary pup community (which includes our handlers) is fairly recent, going back really six or seven years, pup play itself goes back much farther, even before the advent of the earliest days of leather. There are among us now pups who have identified as such for more than 20 years. However, the sheer swiftness with which our numbers have grown over the last few years has given rise to a lot of misunderstandings about pups and our play.

One thing and one thing only matters: Is the person a pup in their heart? And that one thing is not for anyone other than the pup to ultimately decide. Just as we talk about the “boy heart” or “slave heart” or even a “Sir’s heart,” there is also the pup heart. And just as we encourage boys and slaves and all others to explore their hearts, to live and be true to what’s in their hearts, so too should we encourage pups.

Too many yet dismiss pups on the basis of arbitrary and incorrect reasoning. The person isn’t the right body size or shape to be a pup. They’re too old. They’re just boys acting out. That since they have no handler, they can’t really be a pup. Or maybe because they don’t wear the “right” gear, or even because they don’t pup out in public settings.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Pups come in all sizes, all ages, all gender identifications and sexual orientations, all fetish preferences, you name it. Gear no more makes a pup than a Sir’s cap makes a Master or Daddy. Some pups are more expressive than others; some are more comfortable in public than others. Gear preferences vary from pup to pup, with some preferring leather, others neoprene, and even those who prefer nothing at all.

Again, it all comes down to what’s in their hearts.

Consider for a moment the vast diversity among bio canines. Not only is there a vast number of different breeds out there, but each dog has his or her own personality, its own likes and dislikes. They come in all ages and sizes, even within the same breed.

Are human pups really any different? We aren’t bio canines, but the energy we draw from and channel is very much canine in nature. We pups don’t have to be geared up or down on all fours in a mosh to be who we are. We don’t need to be in state of constant pupspace. The energy of our inner pups, for many of us, finds ways to integrate with daily activities, often without it being immediately realized.

To say someone isn’t a pup because they don’t fit some preconceived notion of what defines a pup is unfair, degrading and disrespectful. It’s making a call based on appearances and subjective ideas without taking the time to understand what’s in the heart.  It’s necessary to look beyond the gear (or absence thereof) as well as appearance or whatever else is on the outside. It’s what’s on the inside that matters, and snap judgments cannot take that into account.

To be sure, there are things that seem to make it all murkier. There are boys who identify as boys but enjoy pup play. There are pups who are actually Doms. Some people still hearken back to when pup “play” was a form of humiliation. Again, it all comes back to what’s in the heart. The murkiness comes from appearance only.

There are still a lot of pups out there coming to terms with or beginning to explore who and what they are. Our encouragement and acceptance of them not only reinforces their growing awareness of themselves as pups, but encourages them to become active members of our community.  We do them a favor by being that positive support, and we do ourselves a favor by displaying those things about ourselves and our community that make it all such a great place.